My first ‘real job’ was as a software developer.
I’d started coding when I was 8 years old. For a kid in rural Kansas, getting a job as a software developer was a dream come true.
Paid better than almost any other job. The only places I could maybe have done better would have been at the right sales role or owning the right business.
But age 18, neither of those were on my radar.
(Even though I had started my own micro-business at 13.)
I got accolades from folks within the company. I got to build some pretty amazing things during that time. I worked on a large-scale project that’s the reason the company is alive and flourishing today. And as I said, I got paid well for my age and location.
Sounds like the dream job.
Except…
At the time, the company culture didn’t have room for someone like myself. The values that I saw celebrated were:
– compliance
– order
– logic
– pragmatism
– execution
Get on the treadmill.
Crank things out.
Even though I consistently introduced improvements into the platform and development process, I found myself at odds with those values.
– Too creative.
– Too interested in building new things.
– Too idealistic.
– Too much of a big picture thinker.
To start with, I only saw these values differences in the type of work that I did.
One day, however, I encountered this values difference head-on. I found myself in the middle of a discussion regarding software design.
In the middle of the conversation, I realized that no matter how good my argument was, I was going to lose. The conversation had shifted from power to force. It was no longer about the best approach. It was about a power dynamic and who was going to win.
I lost.
I left that conversation with a kind of pent-up anger that I had never experienced before. I grabbed my shoes and went on a 1-mile run to blow off the steam.
I knew I had never encountered anything quite like it.
I knew I didn’t like it.
But I had no idea it wasn’t normal,
or that I didn’t have to tolerate it.
Everything around me said it was a great job.
I liked the pay.
I liked the people.
So they must be right…?
And I conceded until 1 specific summer day.
I brewed myself a cup of some of the best freshly-roasted coffee. I walked downstairs in our office. The bitter air conditioned cold stood in start contrast to the coffee.
I paced the floor, frustrated at my situation. Finally, I made up my mind.
Something had to change, and I would make it happen. This much seemed clear:
– I didn’t have the traits that made me ‘promotable’
– I was too skilled to move to another department
– If neither of us had figured out an acceptable solution yet, it wasn’t going to happen.
I felt the death of a dream…
The dream of being in tech…
The dream of being celebrated for my unique ability…
The dream of having the success I watched my colleagues have.
With the bitter taste of capitalism in my mouth, I turned 180 degrees and went in a very different direction…
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